Intimidation
[originally written on February 15, 2024]
I have a lot of ideas about writings in my head, but have a hard time actually writing them out, it seems.
It's weird. It's like in the back of my mind, I have this constant sense of fear and intimidation around it. But of what? The judgement of others? When I write, just as when I create art, I make it a personal rule that it's for myself first and foremost. Of course, depending on whoever else may read what I write, there will likely be people who don't care for what I say, maybe even scoff at it. But why should I worry about what they think, when it's not even meant to please them in the first place.
Whenever I work on my artwork, even if it's a simple sketch that nobody other than me will likely see (very few at most), I have this constant sense of perfectionism, that I cannot be satisfied until every part of it looks good enough for me. I believe the same is true for when I try to write. I think this is the problem- I can't seem to satisfy myself. It's like this subconscious high standard that's constantly badgering me when I'm just trying to relax and do something I enjoy.
So even though it will no doubt be hard for me, I'm going to keep making an effort to draw, write, just create, without worrying about every little detail. It's probably going to take a good deal of mental training and going against my first thought many times, but I believe I can get there. Of course, I'm going to have to make that effort, if i ever want to overcome the obstacle.